Austrian | Pakistani
My parents met in the 60s, Mum was showing Dad around a flat in London. They didn't care about racial differences and what society thought, which I think is very admirable. My Austrian family was totally accepting of my Father. The Pakistani side soon embraced my Mum too, and my parents certainly enjoy each other’s cultures.
I like being ‘half White and half Pakistani’, although I think being of dual heritage can sometimes give you imposter syndrome in both camps. When I first heard the expression ‘not half and half but both’ it really helped me and I think it's the perfect way to think about it. Take up your space in both areas! Looking back, being ‘different’ gave me a strong sense of identity. My Mother is Austrian so that was the dominant culture in my family, through food, holidays, language and amazing Austrian Christmases which my Dad heartily enjoys. His sisters taught her to make a mean curry too. Food is very important in both cultures, and is certainly a big part of our identity.
I do wish I had more of an extended family in this country, I think it would have helped root my Pakistani side. Sadly I never met my Grandparents on that side and I never learnt Urdu which I regret. Maybe I will rectify that when Duolingo starts offering it!
I grew up in a very White area, so I had to downplay my race at school to fit in. It was only as I got older and I met more actors of colour that I found friends within the British Asian community. Then our shared experience made me reassess my attitude and start to fully celebrate my heritage. After Drama School I changed my surname as I was told I wasn’t Asian enough to have that name for casting and also that that was scant work for Asian actors. That was the early nineties and casting was not very inclusive. Until recently it has been very hard for a non-White actor to be seen for lead roles, and it is still a struggle.
I have been described in various ways in reviews but ‘larger than life’ was the one that annoyed me.They mean heavy, but it brings with it an implication that if you're bigger you are like a cartoon and can't have subtle or nuanced emotions.
Glitterball goes on tour across the UK at various locations until 15 October. Visit rifcotheatre.com for more information
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