British | Hong Kong Chinese
I moved to Hong Kong as soon as I could, right after graduating. I'd always wanted to because I thought that going to Hong Kong would feel like going home. I'd visited every few years, but this was my first time living and working there. Overall, it was a great experience. I enjoyed a lot of good food and learned more about the culture, especially the sense of humour. But I was gutted to realise almost nobody could tell I was half Chinese! I used to get asked if I was able to use chopsticks, which sounds minor but felt horrible, and I felt like a failure for not being able to pick up much Cantonese.
I think I've slowly come to realise that you don't need to live in one place or the other to feel like you belong somewhere, you can mix it up by yourself. Cooking helps. Learning new recipes, then making up my own fusion dishes, is a fun way to feel more in touch with both sides. I can choose what holidays I want to follow; whip up a Christmas feast, then plan a traditional Lunar New Year dinner the next month. As I get older, I'd like to think I'll worry less about belonging somewhere and just make sure I'm enjoying the best of both cultures.
Most of the time, I feel lucky to have multiple cultures. But sometimes I feel like an outsider in both, which I think is a really common feeling for anyone who is mixed-race. When I was little some kids in our neighbourhood (a working-class area of Birmingham) egged our house, on another occasion I heard them yell racial slurs at my Mother. So I actually never felt White growing up, and definitely never felt patriotic.
It's rare enough to see main characters or leaders in the West who are Chinese, let alone mixed Chinese. And in the media, Chinese females are always either the sidekick geek or the exotic symbol. Representation has probably only gotten worse in the UK, the growth in mainstream anti-Asian hate is very scary.
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