British | Palestinian
I think never being clearly placed with a group of people meant I struggled to find a sense of belonging and that somehow my Palestinian-ness wasn’t valid because it wasn’t visible to people who in reality knew so little. It’s frustrating we exist on such a surface level, that my outward facing self meant I was told I wasn’t enough of either part of me. I grew up feeling like I wasn’t Palestinian enough, nor English enough to be accepted. I have had to rethink my relationship with being Palestinian and actually that’s been really positive. I’ve realised how much there is for me and how I am absolutely allowed to claim every part of my culture!
I have visited Palestine separately with both my Mum and with my Dad. These were quite different experiences in many ways but I have always known their deep love for the country, they have always shared that if nothing else. My cultural experiences with the two households I grew up between were so different. If anything the experience of being so lost in two cultures probably makes me gravitate more toward someone completely different.
For a long time I hid a portion of my name, due to its Palestinian connection. Email addresses, Instagram handles, Facebook etc. I’ve been racially ambiguous my whole life so unless people ask, they probably wouldn’t know where I was from. Although this is an issue in itself, because many Palestinians wouldn’t say I am racially ambiguous, people just don’t know what Palestinians look like.
During the pandemic it’s been very up and down but luckily I managed to get my business www.bunheadbakes.com up and running. I was in an employment rut, an overactive mind that can't focus on one thing for very long and back at my Dads still recovering from some quite significant trauma had left me lost. So, jobless again and with surplus time – I did what I do best. I cooked. Everyday. It allowed me to use the flavours I liked and incorporate a Palestinian aspect, which is important to me in everything I do. Food has always been my strongest bridge, and now it has become instrumental in me being able to explore my identity further.
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