Bulgarian | Congolese
My Mom never said too much about my Dad to her family members growing up. To me, it felt like she grew ashamed of my Dad and his ethnicity because everyone in Bulgaria was so opinionated. My Mom always used to tell me how beautiful my skin color is. My Dad on the other hand used to ‘joke’ about me being White, and not being able to really fit in within the Black community. As a child, and even now I find it hard to really show my African side, I feel embarrassed that I am not Black enough somehow.
It’s been hard. And it still is. Especially when the White side of my family sees me as a Black woman, while my Black side of the family sees me as White. I was raised in The Netherlands, and even though my background is so diverse I have never been accepted within the White, Black or Dutch communities. They always see and acknowledge the other side of me, which can be hard. Sometimes I just want to blend in with the rest and not be seen as an outcast. As a kid I always felt really lonely. I have never been in contact with someone like me, that's why I contacted Mixedracefaces. Nowadays I’m really curious if there’s someone out there I can share my experiences with.
When I was little a lot of kids used to bully me and say I was adopted. My Dad was already out of the picture and everyone saw my White mom. When I asked my Mom about my skin color and why my skin is darker than hers but lighter than my Dad’s, she made a pot of coffee and said that my Dad is the coffee. She grabbed some milk and poured it into the coffee saying she’s the milk. It’s a weird way to explain how skin tones work, but my 5 year old brain understood it.
Being mixed-race is such a wonderful experience. Especially when the cultures are so different. Focus on the best things of both worlds and try to be better than the generations before you. Being different is really special. Love yourself for it. I have always been proud of who I am. Even though I have faced many challenges. I will never hide who I am.
Sign up to Patreon or Subscribe to our website to read more stories