Dutch | Surinamese
I would have loved to say that there is a huge difference between the generation of my Grandparents and mine, but the political climate in the Netherlands is terrifyingly intolerant and it rubs off on its citizens. My Father once said to me, when we spoke about the present-day racial intolerance, that he and my Mother always thought that interracial relationships will be much more accepted in the future, but that he never expected things to be still as bad as they are today. Sad, but true.
I have learned a lot looking at the hardship my parents had to go through by simply wanting to be together. I also learned a lot from previous relationships and have certainly become more resolute in my choice of partners. It is exhausting to always be the educator on discrimination and to deal with exoticism. I would never let race play a role in my choice of partners, but I have zero tolerance for racist and sexist tendencies.
Where are you really from?’. Every mixed-race person knows this question. I don’t mind talking about my heritage; it’s a rich complex story and an important part of my identity. But what bothers me is when I answer the actual question truthfully, ‘I was born and raised in Amsterdam’, I get skeptical looks and the comment: ‘Well, you don’t look Dutch’. What happens here is that they suggest I must be born abroad because of my appearance. I hate the question because it makes me feel displaced from my own country, as if I don’t fully belong here because of the way I look. Ask me about my heritage or the country of origin of my Grandparents and I am happy to share that with you. But stop asking me where I am really from. Another point that bothers me is the constant picking apart of my identity/appearance and relating it to different races. Mixed-race people often endure being used to perpetuate unjust stereotypes. It makes me feel fragmented, for lack of a better expression. As if I’m always floating in between and never belong anywhere.
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