English | Thai
My Mother is from Thailand where as my Father is from England, they both met in Thailand. I was very aware of it growing up, looking ‘Asian’ to other kids and parents in the playground. As I got older I slowly discovered I was different, not really fitting into my White side or my Asian. Having no role models in the media took quite a dark turn for me as a teenager as I bleached my skin and hair to appear more White and ‘normal’. Now, I am totally comfortable with who I am, all of the bullying and names about my race have moulded me into the person I am today and I wouldn’t change a thing. I get told still that I dress very western and ‘White’ and I feel this was based on how I was brought up. My Mother never really taught me any Thai traditions and I still couldn’t tell you anything with a Thai element in my life. I am still secretly angry at my Mum for never teaching me the Thai language as I feel it would have benefitted me so much. So I don’t think it was combined at all, it was very much my Dads British culture. Many, White people see me as Asian and Asian people feel I am too White. When I was younger I was constantly called offensive names which didn’t even make sense due to my heritage. This has included many people constantly asking me ‘What are you?’ referring to my skin colour and race. For me, this is an insult and horrible question as it makes me feel like a foreign object. Once answered people always answer; ‘How exotic!’ or ‘that’s so cool’ which really frustrates me as my race doesn’t make me who I am. Don’t even get me started on how many people tell me how my mixed-race babies will be the cutest, which I feel treats them as an accessory and blows my mind. If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would honestly love to just stay the way I am, but with the worlds standards of beauty and what is right I feel like I would like to return white. This was always my dream when I was younger but I feel being White would have benefitted me so much more and that is the awful truth.
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