English | Chinese/Vietnamese

Photo credit: provided by subject

My Mum is from a small town called Pontefract in West Yorkshire, England. My Dad is from a Cantonese community in Saigon, Vietnam. My parents are high school sweethearts and met in the 70s. When my Dad came over to the UK with his two brothers and sister, they were placed in a foster home in Pontefract and attended the local high school. My Mum said that a lot of the girls were really interested in the guys and they would often go to see them and there was a lot of mixing. Photos of my Dad and his siblings were even in the local newspaper at the time.

I think initially there were challenges, both from local people in the primarily White town who questioned why my Mum was with my Dad, and from their parents, who wanted the best for their children. My Dad's English was apparently very broken at the time and my Mum apparently taught my Dad swear words. It's adorable that, despite this, they still managed to communicate with each other and they're still together today. I think my Dad serenading my Mum with his Vietnamese guitar and singing helped.

I'm currently single but I think subconsciously, I choose to date people who have travelled, who are open-minded about different cultures and have an interest in languages. I also find it really attractive when someone looks 'ethnically ambiguous', a term that others have used to describe me in the past.

I've never consciously hidden my identity but I sometimes find that, when I'm surrounded by Chinese people, I feel that I'm not that in touch with that side and that I have to overcompensate to be accepted. In the past, Chinese people have said ‘you're not really THAT Chinese’, and people have questioned why I don't speak the language. But all I can say is that being mixed-race has made me more open-minded, more interested in languages and I think I can say that I'm not split or half and half. Instead, now I'm older, I look at it as though I'm three whole cultures and only I know how these cultures interrelate. I think interracial relationships are a positive step towards accepting and loving others who are different from ourselves, being open-minded and sharing new and interesting beliefs and values. My Grandparents may have struggled to accept my parents' relationship initially but eventually, they formed a strong loving bond with their son and daughter-in-law.

My friends have always been accepting of who I am but I have faced name-calling in the past from children in school. Once, we did a school production about Chinese New Year when I was around 7 or 8 and there was a lady applying eye liner (yes I know, it's ridiculous looking back) to create almond shaped eyes. She put eyeliner on everyone else and said to me ‘It's OK, you don't need it!’. I've had one teacher single me out in class and ask me 'Where are you from?’ and then when I replied, he responded with ‘Oh that's why your eyes are like this’. My Mum got him sacked. I've also experienced some derogatory comments from strangers when working in retail who have said ‘What are you?’ or ‘What caste are you?’.

I've actually never been to Vietnam because of family reasons but have always wanted to. I saw a paddy field for the first time late last year when I travelled to Bali with some friends and it really made me emotional to see one in real life.

I think when I was a child, I didn't like being different sometimes. I just sort of wanted to blend into the background, as all children do. But when I moved up to secondary school and became Head Girl, I embraced who I was and that I was recognised for my achievements regardless of who I was and what my surname was. University was equally great because many guys would ask me about my ethnicity and it would sort of be a way in to talk to me. It was the inspiration behind studying languages and I feel as though the students on the course were accepting and interested about my background. Being 29 now, I'm proud of who I am, my cultural identity and would not change my upbringing for the world. I have amazing parents and I have loved how my childhood was different from my friends'.

I think the national curriculum in the UK and in all countries around the world needs to be more broad and not just depict a positive and selective portrayal of the majority culture. After the death of George Floyd and the subsequent explosion of the Black Lives Matter movement, I felt personally like I didn't know enough, like I had not educated myself or been educated and I'm keen to figure out my own biases and learn from them. This is how we need to raise our children, to be curious but to be accepting and loving of different cultures and languages. Being born in a country that speaks the lingua franca is a gift and privilege and we should push for students to learn languages. They need to understand the linguistic and cultural barriers of people who are different from themselves and not feel like learning a language is a chore.

I have never felt that I have been treated any differently because of my race. Although I don't enjoy putting 'mixed other' on job applications, I do it because I know that this is the only way that we can ensure all the different cultures within the UK are fairly represented.

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I'd like to be exactly who I am today.

During the pandemic, meditation and keeping myself busy have been key. Luckily, I've been able to work from home the majority of the time. I've also been writing a creative non-fiction book with my dad about his childhood and his story, which has conjured up so many emotions and nostalgia.