English | Jamaican

Photo credit: provided by subject

I would formally identify as a heterosexual woman of mixed heritage. Politically I often refer to myself as a Black woman. My Mother is English, and my Father was Jamaican. I have recently received the results of a genetic DNA test and this shows that my history is diverse and rich, which includes roots from Nigeria, Cameroon, India and Germany to name only a few. I describe myself as agnostic in terms of religion and I am a married mother to 2 beautiful children.

My Mum is from Leicester in England and my Dad was from Clarendon in Jamaica. I was informed that my Father was estranged from his family due to a fall out therefore I never knew them. This has been a missing part in terms of my family history. My parents met through a mutual friend. The friend was in fact a friend of my Mother’s older brother. She says she ran into them in the street and went for a drink with them. 

My Father was a lot older than my Mother, they never married, and he had already fathered 5 children before me and my younger brother came along. Nonetheless he was clearly the love of her life. My Father died when I was 8 years old and my Mother never really moved on, she hasn’t had another serious relationship since. 

My parents met in England therefore my Father would have been surrounded by English culture. English is spoken in both of their countries of origin so communication was never an issue. It would seem however my Mother did embrace my Father’s Jamaican culture. She was raised in a working class White British household; therefore elements of his culture would have been novel and fascinating to her. Jamaican music and food were always a feature in my childhood and to the best of her ability my Mum continued to promote this part of our heritage growing up.

I remember an incident that I experienced as a child when I visited my Grandparents who lived in a tiny village outside of Leicester. Me and my younger brother were subjected to verbal racial abuse from other children when out on a walk. The things that stand out for me was that one I didn’t have the courage to challenge this head on and two, feeling thankful when my Mother and Grandmother became visible to the other children, I remember feeling thankful that they would know we had White family. I was distressed by this incident and subsequently avoided visiting my Grandparents for fear of it happening again.

Culture has no bearing on how I chose my partner. I am the product of a mixed relationship therefore recognise the beauty in blending of cultures. Our attraction centred more around our similar values base. We both share a desire to achieve this and are committed to striving for this. I have never really hidden my identity. I am fortunate to have a very positive and proud sense of identity and have had since being very young.

I have a positive view on interracial relationships, I am the product of one, I am involved in one and many members of my network share this commonality. I grew up in a very diverse city and from an early age learnt about different races, religions, languages, cultures and foods. This assisted in my ability to recognise the beauty in celebrating each other’s differences. For me an interracial relationship symbolises progression and embodies the beautiful diversity of the world we live in.

In honesty many of the positives appear superficial in so much as I have received compliments for my physical features such as the colour of my skin. I would say more negative challenges stand out for me such as being expected to behave or think in a certain way because of my cultural identity, whether that be positive or negative. Maybe the negatives stand out more as they have a more lasting impact. On reflection many of the positive attributes I have today are a product of my identity and my experiences, such as my empathy and passion for fairness and justice.

This year I visited Jamaica for the first time. It was an amazing experience, one of the best in my life. My mind, body and soul felt complete and comfortable. I truly felt a sense of arriving home. I have heard other mixed-race people talk of this feeling when travelling to their parents' countries of origin but this year I experienced it for myself. I felt a deep sense of belonging and happiness. Jamaica is a tiny island that has had a huge impact on the world. This makes me feel so proud.

I have always had a very positive and proud sense of cultural identity. Many things have contributed to this. My Father was very active in the Black power movement in the 70’s and 80’s. His legacy has definitely influenced my sense of pride and security. As a White woman I feel my Mother did a fantastic job raising her Black children. She taught us to embrace our identity and identify as Black from a very young age. She helped teach us what this meant despite the many challenges she encountered along the way. She helped us to love the skin we were born in. 

I was also fortunate to grow up in an extremely diverse area of the city. My Brown skin meant that I was not necessarily in a minority in my community. I was fortunate to be able to celebrate a variety of cultures including my own. As I age the security surrounding my identity only strengthens and I imagine will continue to do so.

The results of my genetic DNA test suggest that I am absolutely a ‘colonial baby’, the mixture my heritage could symbolise oppression and struggle in its purest sense. To me my heritage represents strength, depth and resilience. I am so proud of my ancestry, the battles overcome and the continued strive towards freedom and justice.

I work in the public sector so in many ways my identity is considered and protected however in other ways it is glaringly obvious to me that on a political, structural and institutional level my identity does hinder my success and access to opportunities. Black people are over represented in my field of work; however this is not reflected in senior management. Being a woman and a Mother has certainly impacted on my progression despite policies being in place that are intended to challenge this discrimination.

If I was to reborn in terms of my cultural identity I would like to be reborn exactly as I am. I love everything about my cultural heritage and wouldn’t change a thing. I would however, like many others, like to be born with the knowledge I have now. There is no doubt that my identity has led to me experiencing things that have had a detrimental impact on my self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. I would like to be born with the knowledge needed to prevent this from happening.

I feel I have a wonderfully positive, secure and proud sense of identity, I feel my attitude can influence others. I recognise both my privilege and disadvantage. My identity has shaped every area of my life my parenting, my career choices, my politics and I wouldn’t change a thing. My heritage is rich and beautiful, I believe I am a better person for being lucky enough to have been born with my mixed identity.

I have met others who have felt conflicted, isolated and like they didn’t belong. I am pleased to say this has never been an issue for me. The integral part identity plays in life means that it is so important to get it right from an early age. My life has not been without its challenges however I celebrate who I am every day and feel truly blessed.

I have found that my mental health has fluctuated during the coronavirus pandemic. I am a keyworker therefore continue to work in what I am finding to be difficult circumstances. The majority of the time I am working from home with my 2 children, aged 9 and 6, in tow which is incredibly hard. I worry about their emotional wellbeing and development given that I just don’t have the time to ‘home school’ them. I appreciate my space therefore being cooped up with my little family does take its toll. At times I worry about what is to come post corona and the devastating impact the pandemic has had on the world, at times I am saddened by how the pandemic has highlighted the very real injustices so evident in society, however I try to stay positive and count my blessings. I am healthy, still have work and am always happy to sacrifice for the greater good.