English | Ugandan

Photo credit: Provided by subject

I identify as British mixed race; Ugandan and English. My Mum is from Uganda, and my Dad is English, but he was born in Uganda and grew up between England and Tanzania. My parents met in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania where they were both living at the time. They got married there over 40 years ago, and moved back to UK not long afterwards, where they still live today. My Dad was fortunate to have exposure to life, culture, food and music in East Africa, and speaks fluent Swahili, which is a language my Mum also speaks (Luganda is her mother tongue, but she's fluent in 4 languages). My Mum had to adapt to life in the UK, while still maintaining her culture, and has guided me and my siblings in navigating our identities growing up and still does to this day. It has been almost sacrificial for her to move far away from her family and to allow and support us to 'drop' some of the stricter elements of being Ugandan to help us to fit in where we lived.

My parents certainly had questions asked about their union and were told to think about the children they would go on to have, but on the whole the combination of cultures has been less 'complicated' overall owing to the understanding they have of each other. Choosing a particular race was never enforced upon me or my siblings by our parents. My husband is also mixed-race (Indian and English) and our families have come together beautifully. I think people are far more accepting in today's society, however, I still think there's unconscious bias, questions asked, and the thread of identity is still deeply woven. 

Personally, for me, I would say any positives I've faced are more about the person I am and my character, as opposed to my identity. From what I can remember, most things around my identity haven't had positive connotations, even if they're presented as so. It was only very recently where I spoke about being mixed-race on my Instagram feed and since then, I've had many conversations with mixed-race people and also parents of mixed-race children, which have been truly eye opening and I am so grateful for, as they've helped me learn more about identity and myself. 

There have been times where I've felt looked down upon for not being White enough, or Black enough, or have been heavily stereotyped because I don't speak, dress or behave to match people's expectations. My maiden name made me sound White British if you were speaking to me on the phone or reading my CV, and I have had many occasions when I've met people for appointments or meetings and have been looked straight through, or met with surprise, because for them the name didn't match the face.

On a personal level, I have questioned my identity throughout my life and often wondered whether I'm doing my Ugandan side or English side justice. I know I can't be split up mathematically or put either side of myself in isolation, but I sometimes find it can be an internal battle at times to 'get the balance right'.

I have visited both of my native countries. I've also had my relatives visit the UK for long periods of time through my life, so I was always exposed to my Ugandan culture and family, who have been nothing but loving and accepting of my parents' marriage, and of us. My connection to my identity has definitely changed. I have become more confident in myself and also proud, where I used to feel shame. I hope that change will come and as I get older, I will find peace with my identity. 

I live in the countryside with my husband and daughter, so we have been fortunate to be able to go outside safely. We've also made the most of quality family time together, that we wouldn't have had otherwise. Recent events have dragged up a lot from my past that I had deeply suppressed and buried, especially around my identity. I grew up in a very White neighbourhood and attended a very White primary school, where I didn't feel like I fitted in. I'm feeling a mix of exhausted, emotional, but also angry that this is still happening across the world.

I am self-employed, and I work from home, but when I attend events for work, I would like to see more diversity in the room. It's important to stress that this must be for genuine reasons and not for a box ticking exercise, otherwise it is completely contradictory. 

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return as myself, I don't know anything other than me! I have felt so supported by people of different cultures, races, genders and sexualities on my platform on Instagram. I have learnt a lot about others, and also myself. There's more learning, absorbing, listening and action to be done. I really hope that moving forward this support continues for all and that is not a moment, but a movement.