Indian | Tanzanian

Photo credit: provided by subject

I am British by birth, but of Asian/East African heritage.  I’m a believer of old gods and new (Christian and confirmed CofE). My parents met in Dar e salaam, Tanzania. Their relationship was frowned upon from a social status or so my Grandparents had thought.

Love is love no matter gender or race, however growing up my parents I feel struggled with accepting the fact of raising a family in a western country. I know some of my Aunts would comment ‘I’ll disown my daughter’ or ‘I’d never let my daughter marry a White man’, as it happens those same Aunts went on to have non-Asian or African sons-in-law’s.

I wasn’t raised traditionally within an Indian nor African culture, I couldn’t speak the language and wasn’t raised religious. My parents adopted English names and I grew up in a predominantly English (White) environment with the council estate kids. Whereas by the time my sisters were born their peers were from so many different cultures. My schoolgirl crushes were English and as a woman I was more attracted to English guys.  Now at forty-two I have dated Eastern and central Europeans and been on dates with guys of Caribbean heritage, but never my own.

I grew up in less tolerant times so racism was tough, I experienced it throughout my childhood like so many. In primary school there was no one like me, I think there was only one other Brown kid and he was Pakistani. I didn’t relate to him culturally as he was raised more traditionally, spoke the language etc. By the time I reached secondary level I struggled with identity as at times I was taught to be proud of my African Heritage (my paternal Grandmother was Congolese) but then was told I couldn’t date Black boys and then also told I’m Indian and that’s what I am.  But I soon realised I wasn’t Indian enough for the Brown kids and wasn’t Black enough for the Black kids. When I started going out to bars and clubs I learnt very quickly that I was seen as a box to tick off, exotic or to men within Afro Caribbean cultures their ‘coolie princess’ arm candy. I remember meeting a guy saying to me that he didn’t want to date me but just loved the colour of my skin (I was very confused not to mention deeply hurt). 

Jobs were hard to get with my name alone (it’s Russian) or when children are brought into the conversation people have assumed I must be married to an Asian and have more kids. When my son was born he was quite fair, at groups I was often mistaken for the childminder.

Food is a massive part of both Asian and African cultures; the majority of my favourite dishes are from when I was a child. Growing up I never really wanted to wear traditional Indian dresses, though Punjabi dresses were made for my sister and me. I’ve never worn a sari, not even when my sister chose to have a traditional henna evening as part of her hen celebrations. I don’t wear anything to connect with my cultures, not with intent, but fashion adopts so much from other cultures, so I do end up buying ethnic prints.  

Music played a massive part of my life; my Father shared his love of music from all around the world. My Mother played her Indian music station on the radio and in more recent times many of the classics have been sampled by western artists. So I was exposed to many world sounds and have always had an appreciation of music from all around the globe. I have only ever visited my native countries once as a child. 

My son is blessed with my heritage as well as his Father’s Irish background. The majority of kids in my son's class are born of mixed heritage, as a single woman on dating apps the majority of locals are non-natives to the UK which means the future generations will be an even bigger melting pot of beautiful people with wonderfully mixed heritages.