Irish | African-American

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as a mixed-race (Black and White) Christian woman. My parents are both from Washington D.C., as am I. I haven’t moved out of the area. My Dad is Black and my Mom is White (Irish American background). They met through social gatherings and friends. My Dad was a drummer in a GoGo band. 

My Mom’s side had more of an influence on me growing up because my Father wasn’t around in my life. My preference when thinking about my partner’s race/ethnicity is either White, Black, or mixed. I moved to a majority White area so I feel that the White guys in the area have a predisposed type and my Black side can’t be unseen. When I get hit on, it’s almost always from Black guys. D.C in general is super diverse in culture and there are interracial couples everywhere. But since I have a light complexion, blue eyes, and kinky hair either side sees me as something else. I don’t see myself dating any other group of people. I like to think I’m open minded but my two cultures I believe influence my decisions when picking guys.

The only reason why I feel I have to hide my background is because I feel that I’m not worthy to have it. This internal battle between my color on the inside and my color on the outside is still ongoing. I’m pretty certain of who I am most of the time but I’m in my early twenties and still feel unbalanced when it comes to my identity. I feel unworthy because both parties put these limitations and how they perceive people like me is the end of our story. That’s the extent of our existence. This is the only thing I’m insecure about. So far I’ve realized my place in culture is something pretty or ‘exotic’ to look at, but I can’t go further in than that.

I personally love interracial couples. My Mom had me when she was 23 but she told me that our family didn’t care that my Dad is Black or that his family cared that she is White. I’m not the only mixed baby on my Mom’s side (I’m the only Black one though) so my Mom’s family has always been more on the progressive side. Probably before it’s time. I know further back in my Grandparents time, even in D.C., it would have been a completely different story. Especially since this is America, it probably would have sparked a level of anger. I do think today there’s this level of, not anger, but push back on interracial relationships. Those are extreme sides though, but there’s this mindset that mixing races ruins the Black family and Black culture. In my opinion I don’t think it ruins anything. If Blackness or whatever race/ethnicity is important to the structure of your life and future than date/marry within your race. There’s of course nothing wrong with that. I also understand the negatives and toxic motives of interracial relationships like social media accounts dedicated to fetishizing mixed babies. It’s not a lie that we’re amazingly beautiful and adorable as babies, but it’s turned into a weird obsession.

The biggest challenge for me is dealing with people who keep parts of myself from me because of how I look. Like it’s up to them who I am. I do deal with ignorant people every once and awhile. The majority of my life has been good and I’m very fortunate. I know in other places mixed people have it differently. I’m blessed to have been born in a city that’s so rich in culture and diversity. Not only that but both my parents (my Stepdad) work at the World Bank, and my Mom has been there since she was pregnant with me. She was a single Mom when I was younger so I was at her work a lot. I like to think I grew up very cultured. I have had my hardships when it comes to people and my race but the good definitely outweighs the bad. When I deal with ignorant people it’s mostly in the area I’m in now which is majority White. My Uncle married into an old money ‘J. Crew/ Vineyard Vine-Lilly Pulitzer-boating-golfing-country club’ type family. I remember they were throwing a dinner party and I usually wear my hair out naturally for special occasions. An older guy who was a part of their family stared at me almost the whole time. I’m used to people staring at me and it’s usually followed by them coming up and complementing me or offering a model gig. But I’ve never experienced someone staring at me the way he was. It was almost as if he couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that someone in my family had a baby with a Black man. He came up to me and said something about my hair but the tone he used was borderline condescending. 

I’d say the biggest positive is being part of two worlds. I believe I wouldn’t be who I am today if I wasn’t mixed. If I didn’t have that exposure to different people at such a young age. I fight with my identity internally but it makes me so much more open to experience this life and the people in it. I believe it’s the reason I’m so curious and fascinated with pretty much everything. The fact that I’m different than others and beautiful in my own way is a positive. I’ve received compliments before I can even remember which is a nice self-esteem, and if I’m being honest, a nice ego boost. I feel a lot better about who I am when I’m offered modelling gigs or I’m able to talk about things I’m passionate about. Again I’m mostly good with who I am nowadays. 

I haven’t been to any of my native countries but I am planning to go. I actually did the 23 and Me ancestry thing and found out that I’m West African. Mostly Nigerian so I plan to go there. I already knew that my Mom’s side is super Irish so going there is on all our bucket list. Interestingly enough I have a British side (26% British and Irish). Now I know England and Ireland’s history is complicated but my Irish family didn’t come to America until the mid-1800’s (around the potato famine). But on the ancestry map my DNA showed up in London and Merseyside. It came back that I was 60% Northern European and 40% African. I believe that since my Mom’s side has no connections to England, and I can trace my Dad’s side back to slavery, the British side I’m pretty sure comes from his side. 

Race was never really brought up while I was growing up. My two best friends were Black and like most kids you see the fact that people look different but you continue on not really caring. Or not understanding that when you grow up it becomes a big deal. There’s all these deep levels and meanings to the differences. It doesn’t matter when you’re younger. It’s kinda how you want it to be all the time. People just existing with each other with our cultural contributions, but not putting such a spotlight on the color of someone’s skin. I think people care way too much. I don’t think being mixed will solve racism. Mixed people experience it to a certain degree on both sides. Currently I wouldn’t have it any other way and I think that’ll be my outlook in the future.

I worked in a jewellery store that had all minority staff (Black and Hispanic). Representation isn’t something I worry about. When I do it’s mostly in the form of media. Seeing more and more commercials and shows with mixed families. If someone is good at their job and I’m satisfied, I’ll go back to that person. Their race means very little to me in that way.

I don’t want to be reborn at all. I always say if I live past 100 I want to be taken out. This is the only life I want to experience. I want to try to do better than the day before. This is my only chance and I don’t want it to go to waste. It’s nice to think we might get a redo but I want to accomplish my goals, love a man for the rest of my life, and go in peace. I really don’t want to do it all over again. 

I’d like to say that Black/White biracial people understand colorism. We understand and sympathize that darker people have it harder. We can’t not understand. But making it into a competition of ‘who has it worse’ makes it ok to devalue and not validate our experiences as a people part of two worlds. Because they make these worlds so vastly different we want to be a part of all of it. To learn our history, to learn about ourselves, and belong somewhere whether we pick a side or not. Sometimes we’re denied that or we have to defend our existence and identity. The unaccepting mentality from our cultures makes us feel torn in two. I describe it as I’m one whole opposite end of a magnet and when I get close to either side they push away

I don’t know how things are done in the UK, but here in the US we have national, state, and local levels of our government. I always say to make a change start locally so it trickles upwards. Right now the smaller governments follow what the national government is doing when it should be the other way around. (You know Americans and our civil liberties and all that). But honestly that’s why we have small governments so the people have more of a voice. I wish more people understood that change would be better dealt with on the lower level first but the politics right now are just so awfully distracting. I think that’s where it should start and the rest will follow as we work at it. It all reaches to other areas like education, the police departments, infrastructure all tie into how our government is being run. Especially at the local and state level. You’d give disadvantaged people a better chance in the world by fixing the environment so they can thrive in it.