English | Malawian
My Dad passed away unexpectedly in October 2016. Losing him made me feel like I had lost that part of me. You're not just grieving your parent; you are grieving the conversations that you'll never be able to have with them. So many things I feel were left unspoken and unexplored. It's hard because my Mum is severely unwell so I actually can't have those conversations with her either. I think in a way the loss of my parents has really impacted my identity and often I do struggle to remember who I am. It's like there's a disconnect. I haven't been back to Malawi since my Dad passed; I had planned a trip for late 2020 but covid said otherwise. I stay in contact with my Malawian family as much as I can as it definitely helps me feel connected to him.
As a family we went on trips to Malawi which helped me understand my culture. Sadly I never learnt the language although my Dad would always speak it on the phone with his family. Malawi is nicknamed 'The Warm Heart of Africa' as everyone is so friendly. The experience was great as I realised I can slow all the way down and just enjoy the food, music, weather and atmosphere. I definitely felt like I connected to the ancestors as well. I would describe myself as more spiritual than religious but there’s nothing like being grounded to your heritage.
When I was younger I used to believe I was Black because of all the racism I experienced where I grew up back home. So it's not that I hid my White side, I just didn't notice it properly until I moved away and came to London. I think I definitely went by whatever others would put on me. Positively I have really been able to explore my identity regarding my hair and African culture. I am an actor & writer. I wrote a one-woman show titled 'Can I Touch Your Hair?' @cityh_ on which explores hair, identity and growing up as an outsider. I'm really proud of this show, it was a rollercoaster journey but I learnt so much about myself from performing it. Now I definitely own my identity and don't let others define it for me. I am mixed-race and Black. Together. I've grown the confidence to define myself as I wish.
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