Nigerian | English
My Mum left Nigeria to come to the UK as she was domestically abused. She was also previously married and had 3 children who she eventually brought to the UK to live. When my Dad left his ex-wife to be with my Mum, my Mum felt like she wasn’t accepted as a part of his family. Having lived in Nigeria for 27 years she felt like an outsider in social events, and felt frowned upon and left out of my Dad’s side of the family. But eventually she was accepted.
I think I identify more as Nigerian strangely. Mainly because I was brought up with my 3 half siblings from my Mum’s side. I tended to overly embrace that side of the family. Being brought up in the UK, I was unsure about Nigerian etiquette. People who are older than you are highly respected. I often offended people unknowingly. For example, not bowing down to greet my elders resulted in getting told off. I would also mix two foods together that were not meant to be combined, and people would laugh at me. I felt so different & out of place everywhere I went.
I then began to be overly ‘African’ & only listened to African music to compensate. I would reroute every conversation back to Africa. I felt as though I had to mention to everyone I met that I was Nigerian, as I didn't look it. I even failed to mention my English side. This was because I felt displaced and wanted to fit in & be a part of that culture so badly.
Being unsure of where I stood as I grew older, I developed social anxiety. I have managed to overcome this through therapy & my church community, who helped me realize that I have a home and an identity through Christ. Meeting my husband, who is also mixed, really helped me embrace both sides of me & learn about other cultures such as French, Senegalese, and Ghanaian culture. I realized that I didn't need to fit into a tick box anymore; being part of two different cultures and now being married into many more is such a blessing in itself! I'm still learning but have come so far and can now accept who I am, and I wouldn't change it for the world!
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